


The Little Black Book

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-23
Updated: 2007-08-07
Packaged: 2019-01-19 11:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12409290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: "You know that loving feeling? Well, is it hard to get it back, if you've never had it before?"Sirius Black: serial womaniser and until now, happy to be a bachelor.But when his best friend announces something special, does Sirius find he wants in on this kind of action?Set in 2007 (don't hurt me!) Rated for language etc.    ...





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Chapter One

“…I had fun tonight…” the flirtatious smile lingered on her lips as she glanced at me, almost hungrily, and I swallowed in a nervous fashion. This in itself is strange – Sirius Black is **never** nervous when it comes to girls.

“Yeah, me too…” I trailed off as she pressed herself closer and I gulped yet again. What is wrong with me?

A hot girl is presenting herself to me on a plate and I’m going all shy?!

No, that can’t be it, I don’t do shy, that’s ridiculous; it’s simply because I feel a cold coming on, that’s all, I don’t want to infect her with the plague that I’m sure will any minute attack my sinuses. There we go; it’s because I’m such a caring person that I am nervous – no, **apprehensive** – about turning her down.

Oh thank God for being saved by the bell. Or, at least, the telephone jingle my mobile plays…

“Sorry, I’ve got to take this,” I said, smiling slightly and trying to get away from this harlot who was trying to climb inside my clothes right there, infront of my favourite little restaurant.

Bloody cheek of it.

I glanced at the caller ID and breathed a sigh of pure relief, knowing this was the only way I could get out of sleeping with Claudia. Or was it Cressida…? Anyway, that isn’t what’s important. The fact that my best friend had rung me and saved me from this fate made me jab at the keypad and press the small electronic device to my ear.

“James?”

“No, actually, it’s Lily, I borrowed his phone because I can’t find mine… anyway, reason I’m calling is we were wondering where you’ve put that thing that you were asked to find yesterday? You know, the thing for Bumblebee?”

“Oh, I see, well, I’ll be right over, I’ll Apparate right now,” I replied, ignoring her protestations that all I needed to do was point her in the right direction and she’d wade through the pigsty I dared to call a flat and find it herself. I ended the call and turned to Carly with a regretful smile, letting my head fall to one side like an adorable puppy.

Well, that’s the look I was going for, anyway.

“Look, Candy,”

“Clarissa,” she corrected, her brow furrowing as she realised I didn’t actually remember her name since the start of our date that evening and instead chose to call her any female name beginning with a C.

“Clarissa,” I started again, smiling apologetically and motioning to the inky sky with one hand, “I’m afraid I have to scoot; my best friend is having a crisis and I have to be there for him.”

Carrie looked incredibly put out as I began to walk backwards away from her, towards the Safe Zone - where no Muggles are likely to be hanging around and have their heads spin off at the sight of a wizard appearing and disappearing – and as I walked quickly away, I felt slightly sorry for the poor girl.

If only she didn’t know Lily. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I Apparated into my little flat with a sombre expression, brooding about ways that would have been more suitable in which to let that Christie girl down.

Looking around, I saw my familiar mess that felt homely to me; then I saw Lily.

“Sirius…” she looked mighty dangerous at that moment – kind of like James’ mum when I used to live with them… ok, focus Sirius, Lily is incredibly scary when angry.

“Yes dearest Lilychops?” I grinned at her and sauntered over, kicking at a pile of laundry that I had been meaning to deal with all week, but never seemed to quite get around to doing.

Aurors lead a busy life you know, not to mention the social calendar of a young, hot wizard!

Lily drew herself up to her full height (5’4’’) and put her hands on her hips; my smile slipped alittle and I stopped walking a few feet away from her.

“Exactly **what** did you do to Clarissa? I’ve just had a phone call from her in a foul rage, ranting and raving that she never wants to see your face ever again, and that I am a liar, seeing as I promised her at least **coffee** at your place! You are incorrigible! The **one** **thing** you do well and tonight of all nights, you find you can’t do it! What was it, **stage** **fright**?!”

My mouth hung open in what I’m sure was still a devilishly attractive way as I surmised that the Cally woman only wanted me to sleep with her tonight! Why, oh why was I so blind? I could have had myself a very merry little run-up to Christmas right there.

Ok, so it’s only September, but who cares?

“All she wanted was a good shag?” I asked in disbelief, staring at my best friend’s long-term girlfriend as she wrinkled her nose at my choice of vocabulary, but nodded none-the-less. “Ah, bollocks.” 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Maybe I should explain.

I’m Sirius Black – once Hogwarts’ heartthrob, now moving on to the women of London and the surrounding area.

I know, I know, ‘ _focus on my dreams’_ and ‘ _stop being such a womaniser’_ , but really, not one of the women I date actually **care** that I’ve shagged their best friend/sister/lesbian life-partner; every single one of them knows the score.

We don’t date for more than two weeks, absolute tops.

Don’t get all Lily on me and start telling me the virtues of a meaningful relationship, because I really don’t want to hear it; every time I go to Godric’s Hollow, all I hear is ‘ _are you ready to settle down’_ or even more upsetting ‘ _you’re not getting any younger’_. To placate me, Lily usually adds ‘ _though you seem to be a guy who gets better with age’_ , so I don’t break down into sobs in her tidy kitchen and beat her breakfast table (do they not eat anything else on there?) with my balled fists as I howl uncontrollably.

What a sight **that** would be…

It wasn’t always like this you know. I have been in one serious relationship and to be perfectly honest, it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. I guess you could say that I was more invested in it than she was, because it was her who ended it, and it was me who sat up in our six-year dorm feeling sorry for myself with a large tub of chocolate cookie dough ice-cream and a packet of raspberries to keep my misery as at bay as was possible for a young wizard who’s heart had just been shattered into a zillion tiny pieces.

Her name was Eve.

I loved that about her – almost every other girl in our year seemed to have a complicated name that just seemed superfluous, but not her. Oh no, not my beautiful Eve.

I remember sitting in the Gryffindor common room (what other House did you think I’d be sorted into? Slytherin? Not bloody likely…) with her head in my lap as we all sat around talking – Me and Eve, James, Remus, Peter, Lily and another of their friends, called Jaeda (if memory serves).

I had sat, stroking her soft blonde hair and smiling inanely because I had thought that it would never end; that it would be like this forever and Eve and I would never stop loving each other.

Well, I was only seventeen, how was I to know that I was feeling infatuation and she just wanted to get laid?

She had told me that she didn’t feel ‘ _that way_ ’ about me anymore and I thought I would cry right there, in the middle of the common room on that cold night before Christmas holidays. Obviously, I didn’t. I have **some** pride.

Of course, she went home and completely forgot about me, and I stayed at school with James and felt like a kicked dog.

Even worse, an attractive kicked dog.

I mean, no one expects the cute dogs, the pretty dogs, the handsome dogs to be abandoned at the roadside, do they?

So why had I been kicked to the kerb?

So no, I don’t do meaningful relationships. Meaningful equates to hurtful and I realised that at the tender age of seventeen. I don’t need to realise it again.

Ever. 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

“Sirius, get up, it’s nearly eight thirty and you need to go to work.”

Ok, wait just one cotton-picking-square-dancing-daisy-chain-making minute here; is that **Lily**? Oh dear God she’s made strawberry pancakes with syrup and fresh coffee.

I think I’m in Heaven.

“Sirius, **get up**!”

And…I’m straight back down again.

I moaned something unintelligible and stuck one foot out of the warm, comforting embrace of my duvet, before drawing it back in and hoping (in vain) that Lily, my wonderful friend Lily, may just disappear, leaving her pancakes and her coffee for me to consume at a more _human_ hour than half past eight in the morning.

She poked her head around my bedroom doorframe, “I’m not going to disappear and leave my food Sirius. You can’t be late **again** or that will be the second time this week! And it’s only Wednesday!”

However much I protested, I could see her point.

“Alright, alright, I’m getting up,” I mumbled, rolling out of my king-size bed and falling to the floor of my lovely little flat. My eyes seemed to be gummed together with the little bits of ‘sleep’ you get when you’ve been in a deep slumber – this is decidedly unhelpful when trying to locate your bathroom.

Needless to say, I walked into the doorframe and cursed loudly, earning a “Watch your mouth!” from Lily and a sore toe for me.

Is this what my life had been reduced to? A pathetic existence that continued to be due to the friend in my kitchen, and the innate sense of survival that seemed embedded in the hazy catacombs of my mind?

“Sirius, are you dressed yet?”

I glanced at my reflection, deep eyes and a pale skin that stretched over inherited bones; they seemed to scream of old blood and grandeur. I hurled an abandoned shoe at the mirror, shivering down the glass and leaving the slices of light to litter the ground I walked upon.

Lily appeared at the door, ethereal and beauty personified, holding out the two-way mirror that James shared with me.

“James says he needs to talk to you,” she said, handing the mirror to me and staring at the broken glass that seemed to me as if it were made of spun sugar, covered in a ray of sunshine.

She waved her wand and the glass disappeared.

“Try not to be late again, ok? I need to get to work.” She tipped her face to mine and kissed my cheek – a sisterly gesture that I had never before realised meant that I was her family, and as such she would watch over me as best she could.

It wasn’t until that moment that I felt as blessed as I assumed James felt, when he dropped to a light slumber with the red-headed angel in his arms. 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Everyone has moments such as this: moments of pure brilliance so blinding that all others can see is the effervescent thrill of your success, and moments of pure idiocy that make others shake their heads and deem you unfit for purpose.

You become useless in less than a second, and to prove otherwise could take you as long as a lifetime. The mysteries of your failings seem etched in time; no one is permitted to forget what you did, even for a moment.

Deep, I know.

“Black! What are you doing?”

I looked up languidly, staring into the limpid eyes of my supervisor who felt the need to express his superiority at every given moment.

He would be one of the bastards who wouldn’t forget.

“Surely what I’m **not** doing is more interesting?” I replied, flicking a speck of dust from one fingernail and surveying the machine perched on my desk.

“You are a high-ranking member of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad! Could you possibly act like it once in a while?” Gerald hissed at me as he flapped his hands, indicating that I should remove my feet from my desk.

In hindsight, I probably should have, but I didn’t feel the need at that precise moment in time.

“Black! My office, **now**.” Cuthbert Goldridge – the head of our department – growled as he limped past my desk and into his office, leaving the door ajar as I leapt to my feet and scurried after him.

Pathetic I know, but if you were faced with this man, you’d be scared too, believe me.

The rumour mill has supplied me with the interesting (albeit unreliable) information that he was battling with a Death Eater when he got that limp. His gnarled hands are constantly clutching at his cane, as if he is afraid of having it taken from him.

He is a puzzle, Cuthbert Goldridge. 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Cuthbert Goldridge really **is** a puzzle.

I followed him to his office and obediently closed the door behind me with a soft snap. Beads of perspiration were beginning to form on my forehead – _what if I’ve totally screwed up my career?_ – but Cuthbert motioned for me to take a seat opposite him.

“Sirius, my dear boy, I knew your parents,” he began, watching for my expression to change from neutral into anything else, “And I’m afraid that is what I’ve called you in here for.”

I raised an eyebrow and indicated that he should continue, as I hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he was talking about.

He sighed and heaved himself to his feet, clutching at his cane and limping around to perch on the edge of his desk infront of me.

“Dear boy, what I am going to ask of you in a moment could be seen as barbaric and unfair, so I shall give you a chance to turn down this mission.”

I nodded.

“Black, I want you to go to France; more specifically, to the South; to spy on and possibly apprehend your parents and their accomplices. We have good sources that tell us that a Death Eater raid is being planned and I want you to handle the case – you’re a bright kid and I know you’ll see this through. If you accept the job that is.”

I swallowed, hard, and looked at him; his greying hair was combed neatly into place and the laughter lines stretched long around his small mouth. Crow’s feet adorned his eyes and the dimple in his chin was deep.

This man had done so much for me – he had given me a job when everyone knew what kind of family I had come from. He defended me when questions where asked about my loyalty; was it to the Ministry or to my parents and their cause.

His staunch answer had always been “You fuckers don’t have to believe in him; all that matters is that I do.”

I swallowed again and glanced at my damp palms folded in my lap.

“I’ll do it.” 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

 

 

**Assignment name:** France

**Target(s):** Black, Orion; Black, Walburga; Lestrange, Bellatrix; Lestrange, Rabastan; Lestrange, Roldolphus.

**Location:** Toulouse, France

**Departure Date:** 12th June

**Return Date:** Unknown

**Other:** Ferry at Dover leaves at 12:30PM England time. Transport from ferry to accommodation will be supplied at ferry port in Calais. Be prepared for a long stay. Ministry will reimburse for expenses on return.

Godspeed.

 

The curling piece of parchment burst into flames after a few moments of reading it, catching the end of my index finger and causing me to drop it. As I watched it burn I sucked my finger and pondered the thought of seeing my parents again.

My question was, why me? Why not Aurors?

Cuthbert had replied that they were not Death Eaters (my parents), they were dangerous Wizarding criminals and as such it was our case.

Bloody Hit Wizards – why in the name of hell had I joined?

Oh yes, because I didn’t want to die before I got the chance to be married and have kids. Or, you know, shagged all the available women in London…

As I packed a small suitcase I smiled, because France is a beautiful place, with even more beautiful women.

This assignment might actually be worth my while after all. 


End file.
